Mama's Gun

moving to tumblr

2011-06-21T11:36:00.000-07:00

mamasproverbialgun.tumblr.com

The Source - The Magiq Behind The Musiq

2011-05-03T08:50:00.000-07:00

The Source - The Magiq Behind The Musiq

The Source - Blog for Sully

2011-01-06T07:57:00.000-08:00

The Source - Blog for Sully - Sudan: All Eyes on Peace by Semhar Araia

The Source - Ring the Alarm! Ivory Coast, “On the brink of genocide.”

2010-12-30T14:46:00.000-08:00

The Source - Ring the Alarm! Ivory Coast, “On the brink of genocide.”

VIDEO: Jennifer Hudson Performs “I’m Here” from The Color Purple as a Tribute to Oprah at the Kennedy Center Honors

2010-12-29T16:52:00.000-08:00

VIDEO: Jennifer Hudson Performs “I’m Here” from The Color Purple as a Tribute to Oprah at the Kennedy Center Honors

Jones Magazine, Ambi and BET Sponsor Shot Callers’ Celebration Honoring Black Girls Rock!

2010-12-29T16:42:00.000-08:00

Jones Magazine, Ambi and BET Sponsor Shot Callers’ Celebration Honoring Black Girls Rock!

The Source - President Obama’s Weekend Efforts For Today’s Results

2010-12-29T16:33:00.000-08:00

The Source - President Obama’s Weekend Efforts For Today’s Results

The Source - Blog for Sully

2010-12-29T16:24:00.000-08:00

The Source - Blog for Sully

2010-09-09T09:07:00.000-07:00

Donate Directly to Haitian Family

2010-01-20T08:58:00.001-08:00

Fam,

I realize that we're all scrambling to get involved in the relief efforts. But if you're like me, then you probably want to do something that you know will have a direct impact on individuals that you can relate to - real people, that you might have access to...albeit through facebook. Thank the Lord for facebook!

I was finally able to connect with two of my Haitian brothers through facebook. They were en route to Port-au-Prince to visit their parents when the earthquake hit. Thankfully, they are all safe, but their community is in ruins. They are taking a HUGE risk, like so many others, to travel back and forth from the DR to bring home medical supplies and other much needed resources.

Please donate what you can to support their efforts to ensure the well-being of their family, and rebuild their community. I'm collecting funds, and have made arrangements to wire every cent directly to the family. A payment to them will be wired every two weeks. Email me personally to learn how you can contribute: selam.mulugeta@gmail.com.

Here's some background on my motivation for all of this:

Back in 2004, I studied abroad at PUCMM in Santiago, Dominican Republic in order expand my education in Anthropology and African Studies. In addition to completing college credits, I walked away with lasting friendships, a new understanding of Black Womanhood, ethnicism, and of course, an insatiable love of Kompa music. The people who made this possible for me are my dear friends Richard and Nico Gaspard, and the rest of the Haitian crew that could fit in the back of their raggedy pick-up truck. Oh the truck!

Richard and Nico pretty much MADE my study abroad experience. I was a struggling student, with nothing but the good sense God gave me. They took me wherever I needed to go in the country, and made it a point to educate me about their experiences as Haitian men in a dominantly Dominican society. The parallels to being a minority in my own community were unmistakable. We had an instant bond. The exposure they gave me to Haitian life taught me so much about my own Ethiopian heritage, and how to think about my identity in the context of Black, African, and womanist politics. I will always be grateful to them for being true friends when I needed them most, and for creating experiences that have made me who I am today.

Please support my effort to give back to these brothers. Make a donation that you can trust will help at least one family. My family.

MAMA'S GUN

2009-12-11T11:55:00.000-08:00

I’m takin the gun mama gave me
Loading the bullets to my ego
And aiming
for
you.

expected love

2009-12-11T11:47:00.000-08:00

The stars always align for us
And sometimes the planets collide
But I want to always remain in the 6th House

All I’m saying is
It’s just like us to start things where we left off
There’s never been any rush

I knew you before you made any decisions about love
Before you understood love
Or before love understood you

I knew you when you were too hot to trot
And I was too trot to not
But you’re grown now
We can do things a little differently now

We had a few firsts
And since then you’ve been comparing every sucka to me
And a woman has yet to fill your shoes, among other things
So maybe, this time
We’ll have a few lasts

You always come back to me
When the fall mist eases into winter
And the nights get longer

Come back to me
Come back to me

when everything was clear.

2009-12-04T16:03:00.000-08:00

2009-11-24T09:08:00.000-08:00

my eyes are green

2009-11-20T14:45:00.000-08:00

my eyes are green
from the sheer jealousy i felt
the indignation
from the shame
the brutality of it all

my eyes are green
from the determination to love again
and searching for you in his arms
from the emptiness
the confusion of it all

because i forgive you
because all is fair in love and war
but we’re still at war

still
my eyes burn green
from the freedom he gives me
to experience pleasure for the sake of pleasure
i thought i’d forgotten
how delicious this could be

green because i have a secret
i secretly like this game
of loving you with no expectations
and no rules
simultaneously victorious and defeated
green

FAITH

2009-11-16T13:05:00.000-08:00

I am a resilient mo’fucka. I’ve always been that way. In the depths of my ever-evolving soul, which insists on experiencing the full spectrum of emotion, there’s a fire that just won’t be put out. That fire is self-love, pride, and a sense of being the universe that I allow myself to resign to.

Lately, however, I find myself at war with all the values that have kept my fire burning, and my spirit alive. That all too familiar feeling of my soul repairing itself, piece by piece, one heart beat at a time…continues to escape me. I can break a smile through my tears, but it doesn’t ease the experience of confronting some painful truths.

There are certain situations in life that you cannot avoid, or control. I cannot cure my father of cancer. I cannot force the men in my life to honor me, or love me in a particular way. I cannot expect that my friends will always follow through on their promises. Or that my boss will recognize my talent, and value my efforts. Down to my identity – I cannot expect the world to see me the way that I see myself.

I’ve been going through it ya’ll. 2009 – holla if you hear me! I have been devastated beyond my wildest imagination. I have encountered people, and situations, that revealed to me, so unfairly and relentlessly, that the world is not as I thought it was. That I am simply going to have to accept certain realities.

But I’ve never been one to embrace reality. What is real anyway? Each and every one of our senses is culturally committed to experiencing the world in a particular way. So knowing that we are culturally conditioned, can’t we actively oppose that conditioning? In other words, isn’t it possible to see the world the way that we want to?

Sometimes I think that the mystery of it all is God, revealing Herself.

I once thought that the answer was clear. I thought we had the choice. I believed once, so wholeheartedly, that we could decide to interpret certain moments in our lives any way that we want. That was my religion. I only had faith in that.

But, what is faith if I can no longer rely on that? Why does having faith – the experience of faith – empower me to accept what I can’t change, and change what I know I ought to? How does faith contribute, at all, to my sense of self?

I can make myself believe that my father will live to see my children. I can make myself believe that I chose to fall in love with someone who was worthy of my love, and chose to stay in love because he loved me intentionally. I can rekindle old friendships, and make excuses for their disloyalty. I can quit my job, and tell the man to stick it where it belongs. I can even convince myself that I am a living, breathing, part of a society that values my presence – I can allow myself to be rooted in other people’s concept of humanity. I can be myself, and fit in.

Over the years, I have been so damn self-righteous – naively opposing any and every experience that challenged this point of view.

Until now.

It serves no purpose to believe that the world owes me anything. I can no longer believe that I’ll get what I deserve. So I want to start building a sense of self, and a moral code, based on that. Based on that alone, I have faith that I will not be a victim of my circumstances.